Beer Goggle Surgery
&
Proctological Poontangery
Latest Organic Technologies With Passive CO2 Output
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Some say I know fuck nothing. I tell them I know fuck all.
Free Consultation
A mother complained to me about her daughter’s strange eating habits whilst Laying in bed ensconced with Facebook.
All day long she sits at that screen and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her
My retort became apparent to me, “she will rise and shine.”
Advice was provided free of charge
Médecins Numériques Scandaleux
A fantastic team of all care & no responsibility
Dr Enrica Mortis
A creature whose nose, upon entering the newsagent, can be seen twitching in the direction of the art pamphlets. Becomes indignant when presented with meat. Enjoys post vindaloo Cleveland Steamer straight from the oven.
Dr Ophelia Cockburn
A hot dish, not requiring cutlery served when masticating at Back Packers. If eaten with a side order of cranberry dip & frijole may lead to Mexican lipstick for Dirty Sanchez. Fantasies of being embraced by a French hornist.
Dr Wilma Fingado
Smallish, yet pert and firm, shirt spuds which are particularly good hand thickened with a bit of butter on a 7 Eleven Slurpee. Loves Cosplay and Identifies as an Irish Wristwatch. Will place 2 hands and a face on anything. Pronouns: Tick/Tock
Dr Sandy Wiener
Heart of gold, smells like an open tube of Tarzan's Grip. Emits wind in confined spaces whilst finessing his leather onions against the rusty sheriff's badge. Rubber Flippers and gas mask are essential for this tattooed stalker with golf equipment.
FAQs
Doctor, I’ve a cadaverous situation on my hard drive… All my documents are gone. Can you help?
Fuck NO! An ignoramus such as yourself should learn to back their files up.
Doctor, do you locum for those discomforting among hysteria?
Sure thing! I am well equipped with ear plugs and the appropriate tooling.
Doctor, can men commit childbirth?
Sure thing! And on a periodic footing, yet arrive elongated and pointy at both ends.
Doctor, what’s the difference between Jailbreaking an iPhone and Rooting an Android?
Not sure! Breaking a phone out of boob sounds less painful than ring barking your old fella on Robbie the Robot.
Doctor, I was playing around with the keys from my keyboard and now I can’t remember what order they go in…
WTF! If clues were shoes, you’d go barefoot.